i woke up, hearing the screaming and slapping sounds,
vomit everywhere, the shapes of the pills remained.
the disappointment was overwhelming;
i had failed,
another thing to add to my list.
i stumbled around, falling over each time,
my body was drunk, but my mind was
with my blurrly vision, i exaimned the
room the best i could,
vomit surrounded all open spaces.
i went back to sleep, hoping i wouldn’t
fail the second time.
the sound of screaming and hitting
woke me up.
i was too tired to care about them
and their insanity; trying to focus on my
own fried mind and scrambled brain cells
was complicated enough.
at the hospital, i had to explain to the staff
that i didn’t plan on waking up -
this wasn’t a cry for attention.
the sadness that came with my failures
still haunt me, and the doctors and
nurses don’t believe me when i say,
"i don’t want to die anymore."